A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Alena

An ending..

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A happy ending.

Everyone wanted their happy ending. If I were to ask a random stranger down the street, he was going to admit it, we were

if they wanted to. all waiting for our ending-a happy and satisfying one. Nobody could tell me otherwise eve

However, was it really easy to achieve the happy ending? The grand finale?

I

didn't think it was possible for everybody.

f only my epilogue was the reality.

In fact, it was not. It was my dream, my beautiful ending, and it was out of my grasps. The sad truth I needed to live with for the rest of my life, maybe an eternity if I was immortal. How could someone as hopeful as me ended up being crushed and disappointed? I really wante wanted an answer My heart ached. Felt as i I was stabbed.

Marco was a hope. My hope, until I lost him forever, and he left me with nothing to be hopeful for-it was as if everything in me was gone, the spirit, the joy, and even the ambition. I had wished for it to come true. Why did it have to go?

I recalled back the night at the emergency room, where I had cried my heart out.

hands were shaking,

My han

and

I my eyes were swollen from crying while Matteo held me close. He never left my side throughout everything because he wanted to show me how much he cared, how much he loved, how much he prioritised. Yet, I had pushed him away. I knew better than to lean onto myself. I was selfish. "I'm here, baby." Matteo whispered, repeatedly as he soothingly rubbed my back.

I couldn't utter a single word as I sobbed, trying to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks and wet my shirt, but it was impossible. The devastating news had caused me to stumble backwards.

"He's gone... I can't feel him," I whimpered, touching my stomach.

Matteo kept quiet as he continued to pull me close.

I could feel his arms around me. I could feel his touch soothing me

It was my

fault to pretend as if he wasn't in this boat with me. It was his loss too, it wasn't just my baby. It was our baby; we were hopeful for our Marco, for our first born. Yet, we were left with a still heartbeat, an angel baby.

My eyes closed at the words, feeling the heartache as it repeated in my head.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. There is no longer a heartbeat," she said with hesitation.

Istuttered, "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I'm really sorry

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It felt like a death sentence. For me.

For the past few days, I hadn't felt anything abnormal except for a mild vaginal bleeding. It wasn't any heavy bleeding, and I had told Matteo about it. We were probably scared if it was a sign of something bad, but as soon as I began to feel my abdominal cramping, and it had gotten painful, we went straight to the hospital.

Even during the car ride to the hospital, I had grew anxious. Matteo and I didn't bother to say a word as he drove as fast as he could. All I could do was pray in my heart for nothing serious to happen, and that the baby was fine.

Our assigned doctor was worried, she immédiately checked up on me.

It was the look on her face that had caused me to grip my husband's hand, afraid of it ever leaving her lips.

I knew it was nothing good. She was going to break me.

"There is no longer a heartbeat.' It repeated in my head, again and again.

My

whole body froze and it felt as if the room had gotten quiet. It took me a few seconds to process the information, but I knew I had hit a dead end when she left the room, leaving Matteo and I on our own.

We were being given time to process. To digest.

The tears didn't take long to escape my eyes, and Matteo immediately pulled me in. He began to whisper sweet words into my ears as an attempt to calm me down, yet I was already drowning in my own thoughts, trying to ignore our current reality. How could I recover from this?

"No, no, this can't be happening." I looked up at my husband, "We can't lose our baby."

His brown eyes were piercing into mine, yet he didn't say a word. It was my first time seeing him with that gaze, even when he had injured himself and the doctors said he couldn't run anymore, he never seemed as disappointed as he was now. Was he going to blame me? Was it my fault all along?

"It's my t fault... "I muttered, crying my heart out.

"Hey, look at me. It's not your fault," he replied.

"I killed him."

Alena, don't say that."

Matteo continued to wrap his arms around me as he calmed me down. His words were drowned away by my own thoughts, but I heard a few things in between 'it's never your fault, baby' and 'we have to be strong. However, I had managed to push those words away. If only I had rushed into the hospital earlier, maybe our Marco was still alive. If only I had stayed at home more often resting, maybe our Marco was still here.

If

only

I hadn't prioritised my career, maybe I could still feel my baby. His heartbeat. His kicking. The early trimester of the pregnancy was not easy. The mornings were the worst; I had spent a couple of hours, multiple times every morning in the bathroom, throwing up dinner. I didn't feel like eating, and I couldn't even do much for the rest of the day.

I had taken a few medical leaves because all I could do was lay in bed and sleep.

I

had been understanding, and he was there with me to help. He never thought of me as a burden. Deep down, I was really grateful for my husband.

Matteo had

A couple of hours had passed. It felt as if time had stopped, and I was in an endless loop of pain-I tried to focus on what the doctor was saying, she tried to calmly explain the next procedure, but I couldn't hear a word.

It was muffled. I was still confused.

I was in denial.

Matteo called out my name, but I ignored him. you hear me?"

"Baby,

can

"You're twenty-eight weeks pregnant. We would suggest to induce the delivery," she explained, in a calmly manner. The words she said afterwards were fading and I couldn't hear them clearly.

I remained focusing into her eyes, trying to see any kind of hesitation.

As a doctor, she remained her composure as much as she could, but as a human, she was trying hard not to break down beside me; she had seen cases like this happen more than once every single day, she couldn't break and cry alongside a patient. "Alena..." Matteo called out again, grabbing my hand. I turned to d to look at! at my husband, noticed how he was crying as well. He couldn't hide away the redness in his eyes even if he wanted to appear strong for me-it was better to see him cry and break apart, at least I knew I wasn't the only one suffering. It wasn't my intention of wanting him to suffer with me, but I needed to know I wasn't overreacting. We had just received the devastating news of our baby, our unborn child. Memories of us had passed by me in a glimpse, of how happy we were when we found out about my pregnancy. It felt as if everything was still fresh in my mind, as if nothing could ever stop us or hold us back, until we were forced to deal with something new. The pregnancy test. The excitement afterwards. could it all

Even Matteo's kisses felt as good as new, even if it was all months ago. We were happy and in all honesty, we were content. After dealing with unexpected issues, we finally received one good news to mend our future, and we were ready to enter a new phase. How I disappear... just like that? Matteo and I had shopped for our baby's clothes and, had setup his nursery. We wanted everything to be perfect because we were thrilled for our bundle of joy. The rest of the family were filled with joy as well, they couldn't wait to see the new addition of the family. Now, we had to I to tell them we lost our baby. We had to explain. It was my fault.

I blinked a few times, my eyes swollen and red.

"We can't do that, Matteo." I responded, shaking my head. "It'll hurt Marco."

"Alena... baby, please."

G?.

"No, we can't do that. They're not getting rid of my baby,"

"Alena,"

"It's my baby."

The tears never failed to escape even if they tried. I had never felt this much pain in my life. My heart felt as if it was being stabbed multiple times, and I was left with no one to save me. All I could do was hold onto myself and cried my heart out.

I knew I was probably saying nonsense, but I couldn't simple just accept the truth. A few hours ago, I felt him move inside

and me, and all of a sudden, he was gone? Just like that, he was gone, and we had to remove him. I couldn't simply agree

move on.

The disappointment in Matteo's eyes. The trembling of his lips.

He didn't have to hold his tears back for me.

As I slowly reached down to my bump, feeling it hardening.

I knew he was gone from me.

He was no longer here.

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