Accepting My Twin Mates

Chapter 23

Accepting My Twin Mates Chapter 23

Chapter 23 – Let Me Go First?

Evie

After having breakfast dumped on me yet again, being caught naked by one of the two most alluring and attractive men I had ever had the good fortune to look upon; after all the embarrassment and hurt, of feeling I wasn’t good enough, once more. All of it was forgotten as my mates held me.

I had never been held like this. Adrian had been kind and attentive, but all of those moments paled in comparison. What we had was simply two people worried about being alone. It wasn’t real and we both knew it now. He didn’t make my heart leap like Astennu did, he didn’t drive me mad with an intoxicating rage as Badru did and my skin never shivered the way it did now, encompassed by my mates.

‘I will admit, this is a tiny bit better than giving them s**t,’ Evva sighed as the twins continued to nuzzle into me.

‘Only a tiny bit?’ I chuckled at her. She was loving this more than I was.

Two sets of hands gripped onto me, comforting and possessive, leaving no doubt that they wanted me. I had no idea it was their doing that got me out of the cells, when I stupidly and knowingly pissed off their mother. What else didn’t I know about them?

I had spent my whole life thinking the worst of others, because that was what life had taught me to expect. It had made me harsh with my words and overly judgemental… exactly what I hated coming from others. I needed to learn how to be a little more open-minded about people and not be so quick to snap.

‘Maybe don’t go getting too soft there,’ Evva pulled out of her dream world linking with the twins’ wolves. ‘I have a feeling these two boys might need a metaphorical slap to the real world of this pack.’

‘I’m pretty sure our nugget would prefer a physical slap. And he might get it, too, if he gets on my last nerve again.’

I pulled away from the twins’ shared embrace of me, not removing their hands. The tingles against my skin both calmed and excited my heart more than I could ever imagine.

“Before any more crazy women jump out on me, can we get to the point… of me coming here?” I winced. There was no easy or unawkward way to say ‘let’s talk about all the s**t that’s gone down between us.’

“I can vouch for Aste that he’s definitely not got any crazy women in here,” Badru nuzzled into my cheek, his voice dropping to a mischievous tease. “And you’ve already checked out my closet, so you know there’s nothing in there.”

I pushed him away and slapped his shoulder. He just couldn’t help himself!

‘If you could do that a little higher next time,’ he grinned, his eyes swirling black.

I opened my mouth, about to scold him to stay on topic and to stop derailing the conversation, but he beat me to it.

“I know, I know. I’m being bad,” he whispered in my ear, tickling my skin with his soft breath.

He leant backwards, the boyish grin quickly slipping into a deep frown. I was quickly finding that I hated a frown on his face. The dumb stupid grin suited him far better.

Badru

‘Let me go first?’ I looked towards Astennu.

He gave me a slight nod, so I took a deep breath, shifting my gaze down at my hands.

“I should have done this four years ago… well, I should have never said any of it to begin with…” I sighed, looking back up to Evie’s captivating irises.

I had made a few stupid mistakes in my past, when I was younger and cockier. But what I said to Evie wasn’t just a mistake, it was the worst thing I had ever done and I had never felt lower than knowing I had made her cry.

~~~~

4 years ago

It was the wee hours of the morning after the Summer Solstice celebrations. My brother and I had overindulged a tad, Astennu more so. I had managed to heave him into bed and removed his arm from being slung around my neck. I left him where he lay to sober up before I shook him awake so he could strip off. He’d only grumble if he woke up in the morning fully clothed. So much for being the older brother that thought he had to do all the looking after.

I had wanted to snag some more of that custard dessert that had been appearing from the kitchen for the last few months. Its smell was mouthwatering and familiar, like it was home. I should be able to creep down to the kitchen without anyone bothering me. The members knew neither my brother nor I would play around with any of the women in the pack, though it didn’t stop a few from trying every now and again, even the odd guy. I regretted following my hormones when I was younger, unlike Astennu who had an iron will.

There was only one girl in the pack that I was weak for, the girl with stormy-blue eyes. I spotted her a few times at the party, but it was only for brief seconds at a time. Everyone celebrated the Solstices, yet

I had never seen her cut loose at one of these since she started working here just over a year ago.

I found none of the leftovers I was looking for in the pack kitchens, so I figured I might be luckier over in the events hall. There were a few passed-out wolves here and there on the grass that had partied a little too hard. It was the height of summer so they’d be fine out here for tonight.

The wisteria blooms that covered the hall in the warmer seasons highlighted the huge main double doors, still open, and I spotted a figure moving around. At first, I thought it was just some drunk wolf, until I caught the flash of dark gold in the soft lighting.

Evie. All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

My eyes followed her as she bent down, picking… I had no clue what, up. My attention was solely on that perfect heart-shaped ass, dressed in a pair of tight high-waisted black leggings. I followed the line of her spine up, wanting to devour the thin band of bare flesh from her black cropped t-shirt. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail showing off her neck, even my wolf wondered what our mark would look like on her skin. She slowly turned, as if sensing me, her enchanting eyes meeting mine. I could never pinpoint the colour of them, they always seemed to change.

I had never spoken to her and I knew how much my brother would avoid her ever since his literal run- in. He still felt like an asshole for what happened. Whenever she saw us, she would naturally recoil away, with a displeased expression that seemed permanently placed on her face.

Right now, she didn’t look displeased, she looked entranced. Only it didn’t last long. Whatever was in her hand slipped, smashing on the floor. She instantly knelt to pick up the pieces and my wolf surged me forwards, not wanting her to cut herself.

“Here, let me help,” I stooped down to grasp the larger bits to save her hands.

Her breath faltered as I spoke and our eyes met once more. I had never seen her this close before, to admire each feature and commit to memory. Her lips parted slightly, drawing me in.

I wanted to kiss her more than anything, just once, to know what she felt like, what she tasted like. It wasn’t until I felt resistance against my chest that I realised she had stopped me. Didn’t she want me? Didn’t she feel anything between us? Was I alone in my affections? An uncomfortable stabbing pain gripped my chest that I was wrong, that she would never want me.

She seemed so drawn to me, as I was to her… how had I gotten this so wrong?

“…I’m saving my first kiss for my mate…” she blushed. And goddess she looked even prettier.

“Mate?” The word tasted like acid on my tongue. Another wolf that could take her away… and I would have never meant a thing to her. Jealousy was an ugly emotion, bitter and poisonous.

“You think I wanted to kiss you?” More than anything. “Why would I want you?” There were so many reasons I wanted you, I had lost count. “Even your own mate wouldn’t want you,” because I wanted to be that mate, not some other man. “… Rogue…” I didn’t care.

The venomous words spewed from my mouth and my true feelings remained tongue-tied, refusing to leave my lips.

The single tear that slipped down her cheek and how her lip quivered, twisted my insides like nothing before. I knew her reputation, how fiery and unrestrained she was, and yet her lack of anger hurt far more than if she had cursed me out. Or slapped me. Her anger, I could take, but not her tears.

She stood and all but ran out of the hall. And I just stood, staring after her like a moron, with my wolf cursing me out.

I should have gone after her.

I should have apologised.

I should have never said any of those words out loud just because she turned me down.

The pieces of the broken plates still lay shattered on the ground, so I picked them up and took the plates she was collecting through to the kitchens at the back. There was no one else around and I didn’t want her getting in trouble for work I had rudely interrupted. I didn’t stick around and I didn’t bother looking for what I had come down here for in the first place. Any appetite I had prior was well and truly gone, replaced by the nauseous sensation of self-loathing.

Evie never came back and she was long gone from the tree her scent was coated in. So I lumbered my way from the event hall, wishing I had just stayed at home to begin with. The couple of drunk wolves outside were picking themselves up from the grass to head home, but their figure wasn’t what I concentrated on. My brother tiredly walked over, concern written on his face despite him still being a little intoxicated.

“What the hell happened? And don’t say ‘nothing’, because whatever it was made me throw up.”

I frowned and huffed in defeat, telling him exactly what I had done. Astennu sobered up remarkably quick and I felt his festering anger swell. It came as little surprise when he reared back his fist and let it loose across my jaw. My head snapped to the side but I said nothing. I deserved it and worse.

“Bimadha kunt tufakiru?! (What were you thinking?!)” He hissed at me in Arabic. “Oh, that’s right. You weren’t. As usual. You were supposed to learn from my mistake.”

He rubbed his hand down his face and grabbed my wrist, pulling me behind him back to our home and upstairs.

“Just go to bed, Ru,” he slammed his bedroom door behind him, not caring for its noise.

I not only disappointed myself, I disappointed him too.

~~~~

“…That’s the one and only time me and Aste have ever fallen out. It took a whole day before he’d speak to me again,” I looked around Evie to my twin, who winced at the memory too.

We tested each others’ nerves regularly and we’d have little arguments, but never like that night.

“Why didn’t you ever try and apologise after?” Her beautiful eyes searched mine, looking neither angry nor upset.

“I wanted to, every time I saw you. But there would be that hateful scowl painted on your face and it felt like nothing I could say would make amends. It was like I was back in that night, seeing you look so hurt and that sick feeling would come back. It cut me, deeper than anything,” my eyes dropped to where she still let me hold on to her hand. The tingles from her skin calmed my unease as it formed. “I should have never spoken to you like that and it’s not because of the mate bond. It’s because it was truly hurtful to anyone. Looking at you now, I can feel it in the bond how much my words hurt you and I’m ashamed. I’ve never really thought about my actions much till that night. Ever since then, I find myself wondering if I’ve ever hurt anyone else like that… and I’m worried that I probably have. As an Alpha that’s supposed to protect others, I’m disgusted with myself.”

“When you left his room, after you ran… he kinda had a panic attack, thinking you were going to reject us because of him,” Astennu interjected, making me glare.

‘Did he have to tell her that?! Now she’s going to think we overreact with everything!’ Baniti hid his head under his paws.

‘Wolf… we do overreact. All the time. You’re literally doing it now.’

“Look, I’m not good at showing my emotions like Aste is. They just tend to explode out of me, ok?” I tried to defend myself, becoming self-conscious of Evie’s eyes on me.

“I don’t know,” she surprised me by cupping my jaw. “When you quit with the cheesy pick-up lines, you’re really sincere. And mildly cute.”

Her tiny smile made my heart flip and a huge grin break across my face. But when it slipped, that familiar worry arose. Was this the drop coming?

“I’ll be honest. What you said that night hurt me a lot. And I truly thought my mate, wherever he was, would reject me. Hence, why I ran yesterday,” as I was about to look away in shame, she tugged at my face. “I wanted to kiss you that night and I kinda regretted pulling away.”

And like a magnet, I found myself leaning into her.

“That wasn’t a hint,” she shook her head, pushing me back. “You really are the impulsive one.”

“Just a little,” my twin smirked at me.

‘These two are going to gang up on us all the time. I just know it!’ My wolf grumbled.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I coughed, wanting to distract their teasing. “How come you always work the Solstice holidays?”

It was something I had wondered for a while, ever since the night I was a hurtful i***t. At any moon celebration or party, she never had fun and always worked.

“I have no family to spend it with. And the other staff do. Lucy usually works it with me for the same reason,” she shrugged.

I never considered that. She took the burden so other pack members could enjoy themselves. Did anyone ever acknowledge the gesture?

‘We should take her up to the mountains, to our lodge,’ Astennu mind-linked, sharing the same thought.

Our pack had its ski resort on Crystal Mountain in the northeast of our pack. We had our own lodge that we would spend a few weeks at a time in during winter, enjoying the most of the snow. It would be the perfect place, away from the main pack for Evie to fully relax and not wait on anyone else, providing she fully accepted us. Astennu still had his side to tell yet.