Beneath the Surface

Jax

“Absolutely, hurry up. Please.” At the word please, I lose every last bit of restraint I thought I had. I rip her panties off, take myself in hand and rub myself through her folds before slowly pushing myself inside her in one long stroke. Lexie’s head falls back against the wall again and we both groan together. Dear god I almost blow right then. I stop once I’m in to let her adjust and try to get control of myself, but control isn’t happening right now. I don’t think I have any left when it comes to this woman. She impatiently starts rocking her hips obviously not wanting a second to adjust, so I start to move. After the first thrust we both become desperate and frantic until I’m slamming into her without restraint. We’re both clinging to each other, trying to pull each other closer even though we can’t possibly get any closer. The sounds coming from both of us echo through the hallway as I feel her tighten around me and I slip my hand between us to push her over the edge. We both find our release while calling out each other’s names and I lean my weight against her, pinning her to the wall with my body while I try to catch my breath.

As my heart rate slows and I start to catch my breath I start to realize what just happened. What the fuck am I doing? Panic starts to take over my thoughts. I came here just to talk to her about maybe possibly trying to see if we could be together and before I can even start the damn conversation with her I’m balls deep inside of her. What the fuck? My thoughts start to race. I wanted to maybe try being with her, but this scares the fuck out of me. The way she makes me lose control and throw caution to the wind scares me worse than I’ve ever been before. Everything I’ve used to protect myself from getting hurt by a woman again, my coldness, my indifference, my control, I lose it all when she’s around. I have nothing to protect me from this woman breaking me just like the last one did. I have to get out of here and think.

LexieNôvel(D)rama.Org's content.

I feel his while body stiffen against me, and I know what’s happening. He’s just now realizing what we just did and freaking out. I don’t blame him. Hell I’m confused as to how this happened as well. He’s avoided me since I moved in except for that one kiss weeks ago. I know what’s about to happen before he even starts to pull away. He’s going to do the same thing he did after the kiss. He’s going to walk away.

“What the fuck did we just do?”

I can’t help but chuckle, “well, you see, when a man and a woman…..”

He cuts me off, “I’m serious!” He sets me on my feet before buttoning his jeans back. Hell neither one of us even got undressed! “I came here to talk to you about something. Just to talk and I end up having sex for the first time in four years! Four years I control myself, just for you to rip it away!” Oh I cannot believe he’s acting like this is my fault!

“I wasn’t the one that kissed you Jax, I wasn’t the one that picked you up and walked upstairs. So don’t you dare try and act like this is all my fault!”

He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath. “I need to think. I need to reevaluate and think, and I’ll come back and talk to you in a couple days.” He turns and jogs down the stairs without another word.

I sigh. This hot and cold bullshit is starting to piss me off! I walk downstairs and activate the alarm before going to get a shower and going to bed. I’m not heartbroken or crying. Sure, I’m upset that Jax doesn’t seem to want to be with me, because I’d love to try a relationship with him, but after everything I’ve been through, having a one night stand with the man I wish I could be with just doesn’t seem like the end of the world. I walk upstairs with a smile on my face. A few months ago I thought I would never be able to be with a man again. Now it looks like I’ve had a one night stand. I laugh out loud as I step into the shower. It’s actually relieving for me to know that my stalker didn’t break me beyond repair.