Bullied

? The more I read it, yeah

the more I take offense ?

EVERYBODY HATES ME – THE CHAINSMOKERS

It’s been a week.

A week since I spoke to Meredith. A week since I heard from Clement. A week since my parents bothered me.

So yeah, it’s been a really long week.

I was leaving my locker to attend my last class for the day, A shadow casts in my line of sight, but from the bangs and waves, no need to confirm the person.

“hey” Meredith’s whisper came out a lot shallow than her personality could reach.

I took that chance to look at her. After a week, Meredith looks dull. The light in her eyes faded, but still held an ounce of hope.

Hope that my thoughts might have changed after a week.

but guess what? it hasn’t.

“how have you been? you know.. with Hunter far away and all?” The name made me cringe.

Disgust brewed in my belly at the thought of his hands on my body.

And this feeling has been there for the past three days.

But come to think of it, This week had been the most peaceful week of my life. That’s what I needed to have done a long time ago, to push everyone away and get my peace.

“Iris, why are you mad at me?, this silence is killing me.”

Was I mad at her? I couldn’t tell. Was I mad at anyone? I don’t think so.

Who was I really angry at? every one seemed to have a role in my current behavior, but who was I actually mad with?

I could blame Hunter for what he did, but I can’t, because if only I wasn’t vulnerable, he won’t have done that.

I could blame my parents but they need the money to sustain us as a family, so I couldn’t blame them either.

I could also blame Meredith and Clement for convincing me to go to that party in the first place, but I can’t, because I left their side when they clearly told me not to.

So who was I angry at?

myself.

I’m angry at myself for being weak, for being worthless, for being stupid.

I’m angry at myself for hoping and believing that there was a light at the end of my tunnel.

I’m angry at myself for standing strong for so long, just to get broken like a flimsy ceramic bowl.

I am angry at myself.

” I’m not mad at you ” the least I could do was to assure her.

“oh, uhmm…. well in that case, can-” I had to cut her short because this conversation is not what i look forward to.

“I’m not mad at you doesn’t mean I’m okay with you” make it simple and clear.

“oh” that’s all she said, and I have never been more grateful for her lack of speech.

With a nod, I strutted to my class.

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The final bell of the day rang, now my routine.

quick stop at my locker.

off to my home.

sorry ‘house’, that sounds better.

I pulled open the locker after unlocking the code, but a paper slides out of it to the floor.

Without much delay, I picked up the note and read it.

I’m sorry.

Meredith.

Nothing else was written, just that.

She’s sorry? why the hell is she sorry??

I put the piece between my books and shut the locker to head out.

A slight glance to my right and I saw her standing there, watching me like she was expecting me to say something.

She apologized and that suddenly makes things okay between us?.

I scoffed inwardly, if that’s what she thought, then she’s wrong.

Turning full left, I marched out of school premises.

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Parking my car on the lawn, I stepped out and made my way to the door.

My fist was just leaving the door after my third knock, when it was opened by my dad.

“how was school?” he asked and moved aside to make way.

I in response only nodded and walked toward the stairs.

“there’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry ”

More nods from my flexible neck as a reply before I headed for the stairs.

On the third step, his voice called out again.

“your mom’s in the backyard ”

apparently that doesn’t deserve my nod.

So I ignored it and got to my destination.

My room door was wide open when I got there and that’s a really strange occurrence.

I took my steps with caution, For all I know, the grim reaper could be waiting for me in here to eventually end my life.

one step.

two steps..

more steps…

Hmm… no pitch forks or blades.

okay, so I’m safe….. for now.

No harm, but something else caught my eyes.

A card.

A card lying on the bear that has proven trustworthy.

Gently closing the door, I made my way to the red paper.

All the glitters and hearts all over would be enough to make you believe it was the art work of a seven year old.

And yes, it was made by a seven year old.

A seven year old Iris.

This card was an apology card I gave to my parents ten years ago, when I accidentally broke my mom’s birthday gift from dad.

They kept it all these years.

But why are they giving it back to me.

And that was when I pieced two and two together.

my apology card made them forgive me.

so they think it’ll make me forgive them.

ha… self deceit…

Opening the card to read what was written inside and I almost burst into laughter at my horrible hand writing.

I’ve done something wrong,

And I’m not going to say it.

but I am so sorry.

please forgive me.

from your daughter you love sooooooooooooo much.

Iris❤

I had to chuckle at my obliviousness, Your daughter you love so much.

I’ll be damned if they love me.

What’s with everyone and the apologies? do they think some words would change a decision I’ve taken years to make?

Is that how weak and unstable they think I am?

This is clearly more than calling me stupid to my face.

The more I read these paper’s, the more I actually take offense.