Dane’s Irresistible Desire

AFTER WE talked earlier we decided to go home. And since a while ago I haven’t heard anything from him and I don’t speak anymore. I kept staring out the window.

I didn’t want to talk to him because I knew nothing would happen. He already decided and that can’t be changed. I sighed thinking that this will be our end. I don’t want to stop this and I am still hoping that we can have another chance. Even back to being just a bedwarmer and still, without a label, it’s okay with me as long as he’s by my side.

“Where will I take you?” later he asked. “To Dylan or to your house with Cooper?”Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

“Anywhere, whichever is near you,” I replied. I heard nothing again from him until we got to Dylan’s house.

“Your house is out of the way so just here.”

“Okay.” I was about to go down when he took my hand so I couldn’t continue going down. My eyes started to blurred but I kept my tears from falling.

“Diana.” I did not look back at him. I just kept looking outside because I didn’t want to see him. “I will miss you.” I did not respond to what he said. “Please look at me. Please talk to me for the last time.”

“I love you, Wallace, I really love you,” I said without looking at him. “I did not ask you to give me back my love. Just stay and let us go with the flow but you yourself want to finish it.”

“I love you too, Diana, but I’m scared. I’m afraid I might be like my mommy who lost my senses because of pride or I might be like my dad who was eaten by grief because he was left behind.”

“Are you saying that I might leave you?” I asked and addressed him with persecution. “Do you think I can let you go just because of my ego? I am not like that Wallace. I fought for you with my daddy and everyone even though I know what I am to you. What’s more, now that you admitted that you love me too.”

“But what if I do it then? What if one day pride will be the reason we are going to destroy? What if pride eats me up and you leave? I would rather just stay away from this way. I saw how my dad was hurt, Diana. and I didn’t want any of us to experience that. I don’t want to experience that and I don’t want you to experience it even more. Whether you accept it or not, we are too far from each other.”

“Do you think what you are doing now is not part of the pride you are saying? Do you think I’m not hurting right now, Wallace? I’m hurt, Wallace, because I love you but you keep me removed from your life.”

“Diana, you can’t understand me because you didn’t go through what I went through. You are not in my position so even if I explain my side to you you will not get my point.”

“Wallace, I can understand you. But I told you that I will stay with you if you let me. I am not your enemy. I will be your ally and will lean on you. I will go down where you are stepping so that we can be on the same level if you cannot climb where I am stepping.”

“But, I can’t help myself, Diana. I wish my enemy just become someone else so that I could be knocked down and the cat gets revenge. But no, because I am the one who destroys me. How do I fight myself? My enemy is not just pride and ego, Diana. But fear. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you too much when the day comes to let’s stop it as much as possible before you drown too much in your love for me.”

“Me or you? Because I, Wallace, I can help you. Just let me in, give me the right and I will support you. I will never be hurt as long as I am with you.”

“I saw how my dad suffers, Diana. I saw him fall. I’m afraid I might be like him and I might not be able to handle it. But I’m more afraid of that to happen to you because I can’t forgive myself by chance.”

“Wallace, that won’t happen. Please trust me.”

“I trust you, but I don’t trust myself. Of all the battles, against oneself is the hardest to win, Diana. Especially if the negative side of you is pressing on your mind.”

“So, this is finally a goodbye? We are until here?”

“I don’t want to be selfish to tie you to me. I can make you happy but I also don’t want to hurt you. And until we get to that point. We had better end this for your own good.” I wiped away the tears that kept falling.

“Wallace, please tell me I will wait ’cause I am willing to wait for you to be ready.” He pulled me closer to him and hug me.

If he asks me to stay and wait he is willing to wait. I’m going to make a fool of Wallace if he will tell me to wait for him because I know I can’t love anyone else anymore.

“Please be happy.”

But he seemed determined to drive me away. I won’t stop him anymore because he’s right that I can’t understand him. I am not in his shoes so no matter what I do I will not understand him. Because for me, you can win any battle if you trust yourself.

You don’t need to suffer because you can make yourself happy. For me, I do believe that you don’t need to fight yourself. Just go with the flow and let fate lead you. But maybe not everyone is like—–I think. Because there are those people that like Wallace. Feeding on fear and negativity instead of looking at the positive, focus the vision on the negative.

There is always a good side to every bad side. The opposite of negative is always positive. But like Wallace, there is more negativity in his mind and it is difficult to correct because he already believes something.

Maybe Wallace and I are until here. Well, at least I was happy with him. I experienced being special because of him. Even if I force him to stay, I know that there is really nothing left. Because he himself has already decided.

“I will miss you, Wallace.” I hug him tight and so he does.

“I will miss you more, Diana.”

And I know that this will be the end for the two of us.