In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

I throw my cell phone in the corner of the couch and listen to some lines from Grey’s Anatomy on TV. Nothing makes much sense, because I’m not paying attention. I just think about how much easier it would be to like Simon. At least he is around and enjoys my company. But instead of thinking about that, I drift off into the thought that I should have gone after Max one more time. I close my eyes for a moment to get my thoughts straight. … I wake up to a knock on the door. I get up a little dizzy. I slept late last night and as I closed my eyes on the couch, I fell asleep. More knocks on the door, then I say in a loud voice: ”It’s coming!” I hope it’s no one offering me anything, I’m not up for long dialogues and fake smiles today. I open the door. He raises his eyes and looks at me half surprised. I just say: ”Max?” He still looks at me and says: ”Hey Sky. Can we talk?” I’m still static after a while, but I pull myself together from the surprise and say: ”Sure. Come in.” He enters and I stand right behind him closing the door and thinking: “What does this guy want with me?” “He doesn’t even like me.” I say: ”Sit down. ”

He just says: ”No, I’m fine.” We exchange smiles. He then says: ”Shane told me you came to me?” Remembering my conversation with her hurts. But I disguise it: ” I just wanted to…” He interrupts me: ”Know about Yan.” I clear my throat from the discomfort of him staring at me like that. He continues: ”I knew this was going to go to shit, from the first time I saw him looking at you.” I take a deep breath. He says some more: ”Yan is a nice guy and I warned him that.” I interrupt him: ”Look, if you came here to tell me that Yan hates me, you don’t have to, Shane already did that. She already gave him the message, I already feel terrible about it.” ”What? What message? What did Shane say? ”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

I just answer ”She told me that he hates me now. For everything I made him suffer.” He laughs. I don’t understand. He says, kind of to himself: ”Dammit, Shane.” He continues after taking a deep breath: ”Yan doesn’t hate you. I don’t know what’s gotten into Shane to tell you that.” Did I hear that? Yan doesn’t hate me? I’m vibrating inside and for the first time in many days, I feel hopeful, I feel happy. Max says even more: ”I don’t know why she said that, I think she likes him, apparently to the point of saying those things to you and then asking me to come to talk to you to make it right.” I don’t pay any attention to what he says. I just sit down on the couch, because it feels too good to hear. Yan doesn’t hate me. I say to myself. I must look like a fool, but I don’t care. Max says, snapping me back to reality: ”Before he left, he had written this for you.” He hands me a letter. I’m surprised. I hold up my hand to take it and stare at it for a while. There was a letter? How could Max not give it to me all this time? He seems to read my thoughts. ”I didn’t give it to you before, because he had asked me to do so before he came to talk to you. But when he was leaving, I asked him about this letter and he asked me to tear it up or throw it away.” I am sad now. I look at the letter for a while longer. I didn’t even know that you even remembered him anymore and when you came to me I decided to bring this to you because I know that you care about him and he deserves to be okay. He likes you and if you want to give this a chance… I don’t know. Just read it and well… I don’t know. He smiles. I look at the letter again. “It has an address on the back and his phone number. He left it for me before he left, he is in Toronto at his friend’s house.” I see the address and ask: “Do you know if he and Matt are talking to each other?” “Yeah, I think they talked. But Yan said he wanted to stay away for a while.” I like what I just heard, I’m glad they talked. I just answer back: “Oh.” “And I didn’t tell him I was going to give it to you, because I don’t know what you’ll do after reading it, and I won’t tell him I gave it to you. Only you can decide what to do with it.” I take another deep breath. He says: “I think that’s it. Then I’m going.” I get up and open the door for Max and say: “Thank you.” He just smiles and waves goodbye. …. I thought that as soon as Max left, I would run out and throw myself on the couch and read this letter, but I’ve been staring at it for a good few minutes now. I put it on the coffee table and stare at it some more. Reading this letter forces me to take decisions and actions. But what if its content is different from what I expect? I cry. But I smile as I remember again what Max said, Yan doesn’t hate me. But he asked Max to tear up this letter, so he didn’t want me to read it. What do I do? Just read it! My brain screams. But what if? Fuck that “what if”. You’ll never know if you don’t open it once. I take the letter from the table and hold it in my hands again. I think I was going to make a recipe and… Open it. Right away. Damn it! Yeah, I have a bossy brain. I do what he asks. I open the paper and for the first time in my life, I see Yan’s letters. I haven’t even read it yet and I already find it so adorable. But let’s get down to business.