JUNE BREAK

By AMAH’S HEART

“You were supposed to be here yesterday, what happened April…?

Thank God he still remembers my name, he actually mentioned my name April. That part alone was very comforting u must confess. I wish he will say something again with my name attached to it.

“I’m sorry, I was very busy and by the time I was done it was already late.

“Okay, you should have atleast call the receptionist to inform the HR about that because she was waiting for you yesterday but you did not show up at the end and beside, you have the contacts of almost every staff in your department…”

I really don’t see any reason to start calling the staff since I was already sacked from the company and my only reason of coming was to collect the money he promised me and drop every of the company’s item in my care and the content is majorly the office mobile phone with it’s sim cards and the company’s identity card which I have already given to the receptionist.

If he won’t give me the money then is fine, I have given them back their properties and will be out of here if he says there was no more money for me.

“, I’m sorry about that, maybe if the money is not available anymore then I will just leave, the office phone and id card is already with the receptionist.. I gave them to her.

I don’t want us to start going over the reason of me not showing up, it may even bring back the memories we are obviously struggling to forget.

Is better to let the sleeping dog lie.

“The HR will come over and attend to you whenever she is free, sit here and wait until she comes..” he said, gave me a second look before turning to leave

“Thanks Phil…”

I said after him. he paused, turned and gave me another look, nod his head before walking away.

I actually wanted to say sir instead of Phil but old habits is hard to die.

I’m very used to calling him Phil and just had to let it out without thinking.

I’m just pretending to be okay but I’m actually not okay, no is very hard to feel okay when things are no longer as it used to be.

I miss Phil, I wish I can run up to him and throw my arms around him.

Oh Phil, the man behind my smile, the reason I had so much hope and able to survive Louise brutality because I know with Phil everything will be alright.

He was my prince charming who will save me someday and I thought I will be able to outsmart Louise before Phil finds out the whole truth.

I wanted to move into my house as soon as possible then invite Phil over and tell him everything unfortunately the hurtful truth came faster than expected.

I had several chance to tell him the whole truth, I even invited him out one day for that very purpose but instead of telling him the main reason of wanting to see him, I ended up asking him about the job that I don’t really have plan for at that moment.

Although it all worked out for my good because the job offer paid off well for me but I still hated the fact that I kept a huge secret away from him.

No, is hard to forgive such, I don’t deserve him. He’s better off without somebody like me.

Beside we are neither in the same class or league yet he choose me and although I can’t really tell exactly what attracted him to a nobody like me but I thank God for bringing him my way.

Every moment with him was precious, it is the memory I will forever cherish in my heart.

I wiped off a tear as I bent my body so that nobody will notice my tears, failure or struggle.

Time was moving with speed and I haven’t seen the HR yet but I really don’t mind.

This lone moment in this special place was bringing back lots of emotional thoughts.

I achieved a whole lot from the short moment Phil and i had together.

I have been able to save and get my own place, that alone is a huge achievement. If I’m able to get another job then I will start saving for my school.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

It will be a little difficult because I have to save up for rent, for foodstuffs, and several other things and also it depends on how much is the salary.

“God.. I need you. I may not be able to make it on my own. I’m tired, exhausted from everything. I’m sorry… deeply sorry, forgive me of all my bad choices. I made a lot of mistakes, some are deliberate while others are just a childish mistakes. I feel like a loser already and need a saviour to rescue me from drowning. I need you Lord… I really need you. I miss home. I hate to admit but I miss my family, I miss my Mom, my Dad and siblings. I want to go home… maybe as a prodigal daughter. I don’t want to know who is wrong or right. I don’t care how much bad they treated and pushed me to the wall and I have to escape. I just want to start again and ignore all. I’m tired.. I’m not as strong as I thought. I have loosed important person that matters most whom you sent on my way to help me out… I can’t continue like this Anymore. Instead of winning I kept loosing, that…”

“You’re still here, the HR haven’t attended to you yet..”

I quickly wiped off my face before lifting it up.

It was obviously Phil that interrupted me. I didn’t see him coming or heard any movement.

“Yes… yea, I’m still waiting for her.

I didn’t know is been more than an hour already and I have been sitting, reminiscing over the past and throwing wishes to God.

“Why are you crying…? He asked with a little concern in his voice.

“Me? I’m not crying.. no no, I’m not crying. Is just that I mistakenly got my finger into my eyes, in the process of trying to control the itching my eyes began to bring out water… that’s all..”

“You’re a very good liar. Old habits die hard I guess..”

He said it and then pause and stare at me

“I… I agree, you’re right Phil. Sometimes I just lie for no real reason at all. I use to think lying saves me from trouble but instead it worsen my trouble. Yes, I was actually crying but not just because of you but over everything happening in my life, my wrong choices, mistakes that I have made, includes my personal life. I felt a little emotional while thinking over the past but I will be alright. I’m sorry for crying in your office environment. Is getting late, will the HR still be able to meet me today or do I need to come back tomorrow sir?

“I don’t know, if you can wait for her.. fine.

He replied, gave a deep breath and continued

“.. I saw Louise yesterday, he came here mid afternoon looking for you. Well, he said he came in late because he was searching for the company’s address and thought you will be here to collect the money and he mentioned you took off with some of his important stuffs, stole his money and he wanted it all back…”

I was shocked to learn that Louise actually came looking for me.

He was trailing me, thinking I would be coming to Phil’s company straight.

Why will he even lie that I stole his money and stuff when he doesn’t even have money that can be stolen.

“He’s lying, I never took any of his things or his money. I’m not sure he knows what he’s talking about. Every household items i took was all mine… I bought them and carried them along..” I said emphatically.

“You carried them to where? I believe you didn’t sleep at Louise house last night..? Have you two finally broken up? you know what never mind answering any of the questions..” He said. Phil’s questions sound more sarcastic to me.

I did not even know how to answer such question.

There was a sudden silent and I seriously begin to detest his tormenting presence.

I wish he can just leave me alone with my guilts rather than tormenting me with all I’m struggling to put behind me.

With the way I’m seeing it, I’m not sure today’s meeting with him will go down well.