Living With The Player

CAMILLA RENÉE

FRIDAY.

“How fucked up do you reckon the outside world is now?” Dylan dissembles the subject for a few seconds.

“We’ve been in isolation for twelve hours give or take? I’d like roughly two per cent more.”

Simultaneously, we break into laughter.

“What do you expect to do after graduation? P. I or you’re going to work for a firm?”

“Well Darlin, I like my space, so I don’t think I’ll be under any company. I’ll freelance.” A delicate smile jerks my lips.

“Don’t you think it’ll be stressful? Having all those limited resources?”

“I’m very resourceful.”

He soothes me, pressing several kisses on the side of my head.

“And you? What are you going to do?”

“Hospitals. I want to work in a hospital. I’ll be able to reach and help more people that way.”

“But that’s a long time from now, we still have three-plus years to go. A lot could occur”

“You’d expect to change career paths?”

He taunts. I shrug both shoulders.

“No, I’m just striving to keep an open mind. I infer my house got destroyed, and that wasn’t foreseen. Of what use is scheming when everything you laboured for could fade away in the blink of an eye.”

I chuckle and bask in his scent. Dylan’s hand is around my waist and I’m sneaking as much scent as I can.

“That’s the beauty of it, Darlin. We can dream. We can try to dispute all variables, but if that plan isn’t meant to be, it’ll get derailed.”

“You speculate that everything transpires for a reason?”

“I am. Think of it this way; it’s like a chain reaction. One event leads to another.”

“Expatriate.”

I scoot closer.

“You and Kyle were together. I bet he plotted a lot with you. Now he’s with your best friend. Hold that thought. You came into my house and you and Kyle broke up, Paula and her friends kept taunting you because you were with me, you found Miranda because of that taunt, and Miranda found Kyle.”

I stretch my face out as I smile. I didn’t see that one. It seems beautiful.

“If the house didn’t get burnt down, they might have never crossed paths, but if fate meant them to, they would’ve. Some extra path fate would bring both of them together.”

I veered.

“Are you saying they are soulmates? Do you believe in that too?”

I teased.

“I do Darlin, there’s a theory that you’re being pulled to your soulmate. You spend your entire life working to meet that one person put in this world for you. When you’re united, there’s only peace. Sometimes they’re your first love, sometimes they aren’t. But you’ll always see them in the end.”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“And how could you explain they are your soulmates? There isn’t exactly a handle.”

“You can’t, you could be pulled to over ten guys in a lifetime, each of them would make you feel unique things, and one of them might be your soul mate, the only way to know is to keep going. Which is why I intend to love you whenever and hope that you and I are forever.”

A breath is squeezed in my throat. “Love you?” Does he intend to love me? Does Dylan love me? W-What?

“What did you?..”

“Are you going to speak to Miranda soon?”

He jabs. “I don’t know, it’s the weekend, so I don’t need to return to the dorms for the next two days.”

“Are you planning on avoiding her for eternity?”

“No Dylan, I don’t know what to say.”

“Who says you’ll do the talking? Maybe you just need to sit and listen to her side of the story. What did Kyle tell you?”

He whispers, nuzzling his hair in my face.

Sighing, I recall my ex’s words earlier today.

“Miranda said she noticed me by the bleachers during soccer week, we were already broken up then and Paula was at cheerleading practice. We spoke four words to each other before she had to leave, I took little meaning to it. But I saw her more after that – hallways, locker room, outside the school, and in classrooms. It was nothing serious, just shared looks and shadows of a smile.” I recount the words as he spoke them.

“She didn’t tell you any of this?”

“No. I thought my best friend kissed a random stranger for a dare. Now that I speculate maybe Kelly knew about the crush and made sure Miranda had to kiss someone. I’d preferably not think about that night, so I may be wrong.”

His hands met mine underneath the sheets, squeezing gently.

“Are you mad about it?”

“Angry? No. Aside from the girl code, I have no reason to get mad. Hurt? A little. We went through so much in high school, we became best friends, and she hide the truth.”

“Did you ever tell Miranda about that night with Paula?”

I lift my eyes to meet his in shock.

“I know you do not wish to debate it, but I promise I’m getting somewhere. I just need to know if you told her the truth. That you walked in on Paula and me.”

“N-No.”

My shock is for something else. It’s for me. I did not tell my best friend about it.

“You didn’t tell Jimmy either? Although maybe Harper did, you couldn’t bring yourself to. Yet each of them knew I had hurt you somehow and you could’ve explained the reason, you just didn’t.”

There’s no judgement in his voice, more like trying to pass the message across.

“Why?”

He whispers, tracing a line on my right arm.

“I was ashamed.”

I breathe.

“I didn’t tell anyone, not even my parents. I never opened up completely, because I was ashamed of the fact that something of that degree occurred to me. I didn’t want Miranda to have to look at me every day and reminisce that night. Not even a flicker of it. Or my parents thinking I wasn’t good enough for that to have happened. I didn’t want pity. I didn’t want any altercation in the normal way of my life and at that moment, it just seemed easier to conceal the truth.”

I finished, relief washing over me.

“Sometimes when bad things happen to me because of other people, or other people do bad things to me, I ask myself; if I did this in the past, why did I? And if I wanted to do this to someone in the future, what are the reasons I could have? Sometimes I get answers that could justify their wrongdoings, other times I come up blank. That’s how I decide if they might be worth forgiving, or if they will keep hurting me.”

I can not breathe. That’s-

“I don’t know Miranda as much as you might, but just maybe she was embarrassed or didn’t want her friend to feel betrayed, maybe it was easier to take the first part of the love story out of the equation. Just maybe Darlin.”

I close my lids and then sniffle.

“I should speak to her. Not just listen.”

I state, my voice thick with emotion.

“You should.”

Dylan affirms, tightening his hold on my lower body.

“I did it with Blake you know.”

He whispers, gently brushing my hair.

“I asked if the roles were reversed, why would I try to hit on you?”

He chuckles deeply.

“You’re everything and more. The reason was that simple. Plus, he was bold enough to communicate, I couldn’t decide.”

“So you forgave your brother?”

I query lowly.

“Well, we can stay in one room without attempting to punch each other, and he strived to help me with Harper, I don’t believe I was ever mad. Maybe a little jealous, maybe a little of a jerk.”

“A little?”

I butt in.

“Fine a big jerk, but that feels like a long time ago, things are better now. They have to be.”

“That’s lovely to hear Dylan.”

I yawn lightly, turning away from his gaze, but still within his hold.

“You asked me what I said, Camilla.”

He recounts, breaking the momentary silence.

Dylan’s lips are hovering over one ear, I arch into his touch, inviting him, needing everything he offered.

“I said I intend to love you till whenever. As long as you let me.”

That takes every ounce of sleep. It’s replaced with adrenaline.

I slip my head back to his face, palming a side of it. Then I kiss him. I don’t imagine either of us intends to hold back.

****

I’m aware it was unfair to disappear like that. I apologize. I’m honestly working on my new book which will drop as soon as I completed this! I will complete this book this week! So very excited!