Loving Quinn Novel by North Rose

(Annora)

A shiver runs through me, causing me to look up from the jigsaw puzzle. My breath catches in my throat as my eyes collide with Quinn’s. There he stands in the doorway, in my parents’ house, just like I asked him to be. Now that he is here, I feel sick to my stomach suddenly.

This is really happening.

I can feel my heartbeat quicken as his eyes move from me to our daughter. Grace is in deep concentration as she searches for a particular puzzle piece. For now, she is completely unaware of the tension in the room.

Quinn’s chest rises as he takes a deep breath. He looks nervous as he stands there in the doorway. I can understand why. I am just as nervous as he is, but for a slightly different reason. Right here in this room is something that I have dreamed of for the last twenty years.

Quinn, Grace, and I, all in the same room. I watch as his gaze travels over Grace’s face. So many emotions flow like water through his beautiful eyes. Wonder, amazement, joy, fear, and finally, love. Unconditional love from a father is something Grace has always wanted.

Quinn is giving it already, and he hasn’t even spoken to her yet.

When I see two fat tears roll down Quinn’s cheeks, my heart breaks at what I have done. This is all my fault. With a light touch, I tap Grace’s shoulder to get her attention. She turns to me with a frown, but all I do is point to the large man in the doorway.

I feel her tense as she instinctively leans against me. With an outstretched hand, I beckon for Quinn to join us at the table. He lets out a deep breath before he walks to where we sit. I can see hesitation in his eyes as he takes the seat my mother used earlier.

After a moment, I reach over to take Quinn’s hand in mine. He has a grip on the table that I don’t think he is aware of. When my hand touches his, those sea-green eyes of his flick down to his hand. With a shrug of his shoulders, he moves his hand to his lap.

“Grace, meet Quinn, your father.”

“Hi,” Grace says in a quiet voice.

“Hello, Grace.”

“Mom told me you are a soldier. Are you ok?”

“I am, though I am not on active duty. Yes, I am ok.”

“Does that mean you will stay here in California with us?” Grace asked. I can see the hope shining brightly in her eyes.

“I live here now. My company’s headquarters are here. So, there will be time for us to get to know each other. If that is what you want, Grace.” Quinn’s voice hitches as he bares his soul to our little girl.

All my anger at his earlier words vanishes at the sight of his vulnerability. Then shame flows through me again as I realize how much I stole from both. Grace shocks us both by getting out of her chair to rush to Quinn. She throws her arms around his neck in answer to his question.

Joy quickly replaced the shock on his face as he returned her hugs. We spend the next few hours working the j**w puzzle and having a casual conversation as Quinn gets to know Grace. I stayed silent while they talked to give them some father-daughter bonding.

When Grace yawns, I tell her to go upstairs to her room. She has a room here for when she stays with my parents. “I will be up in a few minutes to say goodnight.”

“Can Quinn come up to say goodnight too?”

At the pleading look in her eyes, I don’t have the heart to tell her no. So, I turn to look at Quinn, who has a look of pleading in his own eyes. I can tell between the two of them I will have endless trouble ahead of me. They are entirely too much alike.

“Yes, he can.. Go get changed, brush your teeth, and we will be up in a minute.”

Grace**s on bouncing feet as she leaves the room. The minute she is gone, all the tension returns to the room. I can feel that Quinn wants to talk about what happened earlier but now is not the time for it. When I turn back to him, he has that soulful look in his eyes.

In the past, that look would melt my resolve. All my anger at him would just fade away and he would make me laugh. Now, all I want to do is ask him to leave. However, I know it will make our daughter unhappy if I do.

“Annie, I am so sorry. I jumped to all the wrong conclusions earlier.”

“Save it for another day, Quinn. I have had enough emotional upheaval today. Let’s keep tonight about Grace.”

Those sea-green eyes of his seem to bore into my soul as he studies my face. When I think he is about to try again, he stays silent, but fidgets with his hands. My heart constricts when I see the gesture. Our daughter does the same action when she is nervous.

Grace peaks her head into the room. Her auburn hair is in a braid off one shoulder. The pajamas she picked are white with little purple

flowers all over them. Her entrance breaks through the tension as she rushes to Quinn.

“I am ready for bed.”

Quinn allows her to pull him to his feet. He follows behind her as she drags him down the hallway. I let out a breath, then followed them upstairs. I keep my distance from them but watch as she leads him into her room. Then I stand in the doorway as Grace jumps into bed The two of them speak in low tones for a few minutes before Quinn leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead. Grace smiles as she closes her eyes.

When Quinn closes her door behind him, I suddenly feel like he is too close. I step away from him before I turn to go back downstairs.

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, I head to the front door. I turn to him as I open it to show him out, only to close it again when

asks his next question.

“How is this going to work between the three of us after tonight?” Quinn asks.

Until recently, I had never given this conversation a thought. There was never a plan in my mind for shared custody. Quinn is on her birth certificate, but after so many years, I just never imagined this day would come. I should have.

“I will send you an email about her schedule. All the after-school activities she is in and the sports she plays. Then, when your schedule allows, you can have her on the weekends. I won’t keep her from you. All I ask is that you inform me where you will be with her.”

“That is generous of you.”

The sarcasm in his voice doesn’t escape my notice. If I am being honest with myself, I know I deserve it. I deserve more than what he has shown me so far tonight. However, the anger I feel at his insinuations from earlier is still very fresh in my heart.

“Look, after everything that happened today and all that I have to deal with from Kyle, I am trying to make this as easy as possible for you. However, one thing that I want to make perfectly clear is that what happened in my office today was a mistake.”

The look of hurt that flashes through his eyes makes me feel horrible, but I need to stand my ground. What we did was very reckless. We had unprotected sex without thinking of the consequences. We barely know each other anymore. After the accusations he made, I am not Sure that I want to get to know this new version of Quinn Greyson.

“I think we need to keep our relationship strictly professional while at the hospital and cordial when we have to for Grace.”

“I can live with that. For now.

The promise in his words, along with the heated look in his eyes, sends shivers down my spine. Heat pools in my belly as he takes a step

towards me.

That can’t happen again, so I hold up my hand to stop him. “No. There will be no repeats of this afternoon. We will co-parent and nothing more. I know you want more, but that isn’t a good idea. Not now.”

“Annic, please let me explain myself.”Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

I shake my head, then open the door again. “It is late, Quinn. Please, no more.”

Quinn lowers his head to avoid my gaze, but steps outside. He turns to me briefly, then does as I ask. He leaves without another word.

(Quinn)

As I drive back to my penthouse, I can feel the coldness settle over me again. Finding Annora again after all this time chipped at the ice that I built around my heart. When she told me we have a daughter, I felt the ice c**k more. Then, when I met Grace for the first time, the ice shattered.

Annora telling me we have no future together, broke my heart. Co-parenting isn’t what I had in mind when she told me about Grace. Now, it seems, I have no other choice. How long can I remain out in the cold without her warmth again?

For twelve years, I have been adrift in the cold oblivion of the world. Without her light to guide me home. Now, after all these years, I had a brief glimpse of what my future could be. With a few hateful words, I destroyed the hope I had.

If Annora wants to be co-parents only, then that is what I will give her. Gone is the vow I made the night I saw her at the fundraiser. The vow to touch no other woman but her. Since she won’t be an active part of my life, there is no reason to keep that vow.

When I walk into my penthouse, images of her tear-filled eyes make my heart constrict before I shove her from my mind. I need to decide what room to redecorate for Grace. Other changes to the entire penthouse will need to be made. I will have to call my interior designer tomorrow to help me.

For now, all I can do is take notes as I wander through the empty rooms. We designed every room with only me in mind. I never dreamed that I already had a child out there. I always used protection with all the women I have slept with.

Except for two women who got past my guard. One I met when I was eighteen and the other I met when she was assigned to be my therapist. I was going to marry Dionne until she burned our relationship to the ground with her actions.

However, it is Annora and the one night of reckless passion that will always stick with me. That was the night we said our goodbyes. Our desire for each other was so intense that there were no thoughts about consequences in our minds. It was the night that we conceived

Grace.

That was all it took to. One night. A night that neither of us will ever forget.

“Oh, sh**i.”

Today, in her office, we were reckless again. All I could think of was having her naked, with her arms around me as we made love. From the way she responded to my touch, I knew she wanted the same. What if she gets pregnant from this act of recklessness?

What would she look like as her belly grows round with

my

child?

Stop it. Don’t go down that road. That will only make me want what I can’t have.

Deciding that being in my home alone right now is a bad idea, I peel off the button-up shirt, grab my car keys, then head to a nearby club. What I need right now is a distraction. Loud music, scantily clad women, and alcohol will do just fine.

After a few shots of tequila, my body is feeling loose, but my stubborn mind refuses to stop thinking about Annora. To force her from my

mind, I move to the dance floof. As expected, shortly after I step into the mass of bodies, a woman in a skin-tight dress presses up against

me,

With big brown eyes, she blinks up at me. Her pouty red lips part as she presses her breasts against my chest. Then she moves against me to the beat of the music. My body responds to her, even though my mind is screaming at me to push her away.

“How about we go somewhere more private,” she whispers to me.

1 let her take my hand and lead me off the dance floor. Soon, I find myself in a private booth in the club’s corner. The dark walls of the booth block anyone from seeing inside, but allows anyone inside to see out. When she presses her a*against me, my body responds instantly.

Then something happens that has never happened to me before. I step away from her and leave the club. My body may be on board with the action I could be getting. However, my heart and mind are not. Anger flares through me as I drive home.

I need to get past this if I am going to live my life on my own terms. If Annora and I will never be what I want us to be, then there is no reason to not have a life of my own. Going back to my man-w** ways is the only way I know how to survive the nightmares that plague my sleep.

It is time to harden my heart again, build the ice back up, and continue to live my life the way I have been. I will treat Annora with the respect she has asked for as a co-parent. What happens in my private life will be none of her business.

F**k it./I have nothing left to lose so I turn my car around and head back to the club. I know deep down that this isn’t what I want. However, what I want is something I can’t have right now. I will deal with life as I have for the last few years.

One day at a time.