The Italian's proposal

Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-two

Melody

Melody woke up in a hospital bed, hours after finding herself in the parking lot of the building where she lived with Timothy.

She immediately felt his hand in hers. She blinked, still numb from the painkillers she imagined she received.

She only remembered feeling a very intense pain in her lower abdomen.

Instinctively, she put her hands on her abdomen.

“Hello princess,” she heard Timothy speak to her, moving closer and placing a kiss on her forehead. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“What happened? Is the baby okay?” fear began to take hold of her, and the tears immediately came down. “Please tell me my baby is okay,” she begged him.

“It’s okay,” he smiled slowly at her and she sighed in relief.

“Then why do you have that look on your face? If everything is fine, why are you looking at me like that?” she didn’t understand the reason for his stare.

She knew him long enough to know all the reactions he had, the way he behaved when he was scared or angry, and right now, something was bothering him, something was making him unsettled, and if everything was fine with her son, she couldn’t find any reason for him to feel and behave so strangely.

“You scared me...” he said to her again. “You passed out from the pain. In front of me. I almost didn’t manage to hold you up in time.”

“But you did,” she tried to reassure him, as she squeezed his hand and entwined his fingers with hers.

Her mouth felt numb and tasteless.

“I did.”

“So, what’s wrong?” she asked confused, her head was starting to hurt a little, and the light was bothering her.

“The girl’s fine,” she heard him say.

The girl, the baby? The girl was fine?

Did he say that?

Did he mean she was going to have a girl? They were going to be parents to a beautiful girl, a female, her traveling companion, a gift from heaven.

She didn’t have time to think about what she wished to have, any gender was going to be well received, and she was going to care for her as her very own life, if not more so.

“Are we having a girl?” she asked slowly.

“It’s a girl,” Timothy smiled, and she let out a happy cry.

“Oh, don’t cry!”

“It’s from happiness, I swear it’s from happiness,” she sighed contentedly, “I’m excited. We can officially start getting the room ready.”

Timothy was smiling, but the gesture, didn’t quite reach his eyes.

That worried her.

Even though she was quite numb from the painkillers, she couldn’t help but notice that something was wrong with him.

“My love, what’s wrong? It makes me sad to see you like this. You look like someone died.”

“I panicked as I was lifting you in my arms and Clark was bringing us to the hospital. I was dying of anguish. You were unresponsive,” Timothy let out a lone tear and looked at her with his eyes wider than usual. “I thought I was going to lose you! You wouldn’t move, you didn’t respond when I called you. I.... I didn’t know what to do...”

“You brought me to the hospital. You saved me. You did what you had to do and so much more.”

“Forgive me,” he whispered.

“For what? Because you take care of me? For holding me when I needed you the most?”

Slowly she began to remember the whole situation with Richard and how bad she felt when she heard what he said to her, about her child was just a means to get money.

He didn’t want her baby.

He never had and uselessly, she thought he might be interested that when the baby was born, he would want to be a part of her life.

But she was wrong.

Richard just wanted to take advantage of them.

“I got so scared I called your family.” Timothy then said.

She looked at him in confusion. Was her father there?

Had they gone to see her? She didn’t know how long she slept.

“They’re all in the hallway,” he moved a little closer to her and laid his head on her chest, not letting his full weight fall off her body. “I’ll die if I lose you. If you were ever taken from me, I don’t know what would become of me.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” his suffering broke her heart. She didn’t want to see him suffer. “I’m here. We’re together. What did the doctors tell you? Why did I faint?”

“Troy said you’re a little anemic and you need to eat better. Today’s impression, what happened with Richard... it was probably too much for your strength...”

“I’m fine,” she repeated to him again.

“You’re not. But you will be. I’ll take care of you. Even if I don’t go to any of the offices, I’ll see that you’re fed and taken care of.”

“Don’t be paranoid,” she smiled at the intensity with which he spoke. ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

It was always like that with him.

He felt everything with his heart. And that fascinated her.

“It’s not paranoia. I have been selfish. I’ve seen you through difficult weeks, I’ve contributed to that difficulty myself, I haven’t had my eye on you properly and now look how delicate you are...”

“Don’t start blaming yourself,” she said interrupting him. “Don’t fall into that vicious circle. You want to carry all the weight on your shoulders and it’s not right.”

“If I hadn’t hit Richard...”

“I would have hit him myself,” she told him with impetus and assurance. “I would have gouged his eyes out myself. My child is not a trading toy. And let me tell you my darling...” he stood up a little and looked into her eyes, “you were right.”

“About?” he looked at her confused.

“He doesn’t have to be a part of my daughter’s life. Our daughter’s. You, and only you, will be the father of my daughter and any others we have. We will find a way to keep Richard, with his ill will and need for money, away from her.”

“I promise you,” he asserted.

“You tell my father and Allegra to come in.”

Timothy pulled away from her slightly and scratched the back of his neck, his eyebrows crossed, a gesture he made when he didn’t know how to say something important.

“You said you called my family, didn’t you? I think I should talk to them to let them know I’m okay.”

“It’s just that, it’s not only Allegra and your father that are here,” he let out a regretful sigh and continued, “your mother came too. She wants to see you and talk to you.”

Lydia was outside.

Just the thought of it flooded her eyes with tears and an ache settled in her chest.

“If you don’t want to see her, I’ll understand, I’ll tell her you’re not ready to see her,” Timothy reached out again and stroked her hair, arranging the bangs she had all messy.

Her black hair felt all over his face and neck.

“Did she come?” she asked in a daze. “Did my mother come? Did she worry about me?”

“We all worry. You came here almost...”

“Don’t be like that love, look at me...” she asked grabbing his hand. “I’m fine and you already told me the baby is fine. It’s just anemia.”

“Almost chronic anemia,” he corrected. “If you had been alone, I don’t even want to think what could have happened.”

“But nothing happened. And you reacted quickly. You saved me,” she smiled openly at him, but then gave way to uncertainty. “Did my mom say anything to you? Didn’t she want to come? Did you really see her out there?”

“She was so worried and sad,” he sat on the edge of the bed and lingered with her hand in his, “she got there before your father and Allegra. She was devastated,” he confessed, “it broke my soul to see her like that. She reminded me of you. You cry the same way. You cry with real pain, with feeling.”

“I’m not sure she has them,” she said in a scathing tone, “at least not with me.”

“I don’t know, cara mia. I see her worried about you. She’s been here for hours, waiting to come in and see you. She was the first to arrive, she asked Troy directly because she thought I was hiding information from her,” Timothy shook his head as if he didn’t believe what he said himself, “she was hysterical, and she was screaming to see you.”

She felt a little happy to know that her mother had taken care of her all her life, always being there when she needed her.

Except when she got pregnant.

There she was a real hell.

And more so when she realized that in truth, her mother was the one who insisted that she aborted her baby.

Now she was about to have a daughter with Timothy, to be happy, to continue being happy.

She didn’t know if she wanted to risk that joy being ruined by her mother, and so she expressed that to Timothy.

“I know tesoro, I understand you, I know what you have suffered, but I also think she has suffered enough because of the bad decisions she made.”

“Do you think I should see her? Do you think I should forgive her?”

“I can’t give you that answer. I can’t tell you who to forgive or when to forgive. All I want you to know, your mother is your mother, and she will remain your mother until the day the world ends. Because even if she dies in a hundred years, she will still be your mother. That will never change.”

“I know,” she wanted to cry and break something, she knew he was right. Worse yet, it hurt at the thought of seeing Lydia, she would remember how Lydia turned her back on her.

“You have a chance to have your parents in health and wellness, to love them without the fear of losing them in a few months,” she knew he spoke for his own situation. His father was a constant worry, his health was going to deteriorate, and no one could prevent it.

So, by his words and logic, she agreed to see Lydia. On the one condition, that if things didn’t work out, she wasn’t going to try again.

She already was too permissive.

“It’s your decision,” he replied, when she told him she was only going to give her that chance. “You decide when to listen to her, when to see her, and most importantly, it’s yours and yours alone, the

decision to forgive her.”

“Tell her to come in.”

He pressed a kiss to her lips, and she closed her eyes to enjoy his caress.

Minutes later the door closed, and he walked out.

She looked around the hospital room, she was in a place that must have been bigger than Lucy’s entire apartment. She still wasn’t digesting the fact that she was the future wife of someone with as much money as Timothy was.

At that moment of ranting and rambling, the bedroom door opened again and through it came Lydia Redford.

Her mother stared at her from the doorway, not quite finished entering.

“Come in and close the door. I think we have a lot to talk,” she tried to sound confident and calm, but she knew she didn’t succeed.

Her voice sounded shaky and sad.

Her mother acted like an automaton and closed the door behind her.

Minutes passed and neither of them said a word. Melody struggled to sit up, the numbing effect on her body was lessening and little by little, she felt her sanity and strength returning to her body.

Lydia stood at the other end of the room, looking at her with compunction and a little embarrassed, which Melody could tell by the blush on her cheeks.

She felt sad to see how deteriorated her mother looked. She was wearing a white vertical striped dress with wine red, teacher’s shoes and her hair pulled back in a discreet bun.

One of them had to make the first move, if they didn’t start talking, they would end up reaching two thousand twenty-five waiting for communication.

“Hi mom,” Melody said, taking charge of the situation.

If she wanted her mother to start talking to her, the best thing to do was to make her understand that she was willing to listen to her.

“Timothy told me that you almost murdered someone because they wouldn’t give you enough information about my condition.”

“I was worried,” she said after a few minutes.

“Thanks for your concern, mom.”

“How could you stand there so calmly? How could you agree to see me after the way I treated you? I don’t deserve your attention, or your words.... Not to mention your love. I’m the worst mother in the world. I’ve been garbage with you Mel...”

Although she wanted to correct her that she wasn’t the worst mother, Lydia continued speaking after a few seconds.

“I don’t know what to say to you to make you forgive me,” Lydia slowly walked over to the bed where she counted herself and hugged the wallet to her chest. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness; I don’t deserve even your look. But it’s just that when Allegra called me and told me what happened to you, I didn’t think, I just came here.”

“Thank you for coming,” she told her with a lump in her throat. One that was eager for her to let him escape.

“I couldn’t stay without knowing you were okay. I couldn’t stay at home quietly anymore, as if my daughter wasn’t between life and death.”

“I’m fine. It was just anemia,” she explained to take the weight off the pain her mother was facing.

She knew it must be difficult to talk to her, for the most complicated thing about being human was approaching someone she hurt, seeking their forgiveness.

The words did not flow.

The guilt remained perennial.

“It could have been something else,” she rebutted annoyed, “it could have been something more serious and I didn’t know about it. Something much worse could have happened to you and I could have found out because they were going to bury you or put you in an urn after cremating you.”

“Mom you’re going crazy. I’m fine. Thank you for your concern. Things went well and they will stay that way.”

“You don’t know how I’ve hated myself all these days. I’ve picked up the phone to call you so many times I don’t even remember anymore,” Lydia then said looking straight at her. “I can’t go on like this. I can’t know you’re in the same city as me and not be able to see you.”

“You decided not to see me,” although she had no strength or desire to hurt her, the truth was that her mother sought out that grudge.

“I know and I will regret it for the rest of my days, my daughter,” her voice was broken. Lydia had dark circles under her eyes almost to her chin, she was thin and had lost the glowing color that made her so attractive even as old as she was.

“My daughter? Please, Mother. Don’t give me that sentimentality. When I begged you to believe me, you ignored me. You preferred an outsider to your own daughter.”

“That’s just the problem Mel... I didn’t prefer an outsider. He was family too. Many years with your sister, he’s your nephew’s father. We’ve known him for a long time.”

“You gave birth to me,” she replied. She was trying to get things flowing, but there was too much to cut through and too much to say. “You made me, you raised me. Do you think I’m capable of stealing three million dollars? Do you think you raised a delinquent daughter?”

“I don’t know...” and she burst into tears, giving vent to her pain.

Melody squeezed her eyes tight. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” those were Lydia’s words. Her answer to a question that could easily solve her personal problems.

“You don’t know,” she repeated full of pain. “You don’t know what you inculcated in me; you don’t know what moral foundation you set me on. That’s incredibly good mom,” Melody clapped her hands, though the hand holding the channeling bothered her and burned a little. “Congratulations, mom. You definitely just won the award for best answer.”

“Don’t be so cynical!” her mother shrieked, looking at her with gray eyes red from crying. “Don’t be so cruel. You don’t know how scared I was when I heard you were at the clinic. A pregnant woman is a walking hazard. She’s a ticking time bomb. A mystery.”

“Don’t worry. This mystery is solved,” she couldn’t believe that the chance to settle the issue with her mother was going down the drain. “You didn’t believe me; you didn’t think about how you knew me and how much I...”

“I’m sorry! Can’t you see? My soul aches from so much suffering. My penance will be internal and a complete ordeal.”

Melody heard those words and something in her mind lit up. Her mother was going to have enough torture for not believing her at the time and she really wanted to have her close, she really wanted to have her mother go through the pregnancy with her, because she didn’t know how to do it alone, she didn’t want to do it alone. It was one thing to have Timothy in her life, supporting her, with a partner and a friend, but it was quite another to know how to raise a child and get it on the right track.

She couldn’t go on having her family separated and divided, at twenty-two years old, she never suffered from being away from her parents.

And if her dad, Charles, forgave her, enough to continue living with her, Melody could do the same.

At least try.

“I didn’t want you to be pregnant. I didn’t want you to harm your future. That man who got you pregnant.... I.... It’s not that when Equilay did what he did, I didn’t believe you. It’s like, after so many lies, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t look you in the eye and admit that I had been wrong. That I turned my back on you.”

“You must have believed it because that’s just what you did. And I don’t know how to love you anymore, mom. I don’t know how to look you in the eye anymore without thinking about what you put me through.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. You fucked us both up. You damaged our relationship. Now you want me to forgive you in the blink of an eye,” the discomfort was growing bigger in her chest.

The pain of knowing that her mother was suffering, that she wanted to forgive her, but didn’t know where to start, seeing Lydia undone, after all she had done, instead of giving her satisfaction, hurt her immensely.

“I don’t want you to forgive me instantly. But I want to be there for you,” her mother reached out and tried to touch her, but Melody pulled her hand away, it was one thing to listen to her and another to let go. She wasn’t ready for that. She still saw betrayal when she looked at her. “I don’t want your forgiveness without you feeling it. You’re like me in this, things are given or said when they’re felt, otherwise they’re not worth saying.”

“I can’t forgive you, Mom.”

“I know,” Lydia whispered letting two thick drops fall on her cheeks. “I know. But I’m hopeful that you might be able to, someday. If you give me a chance to be there for you and your daughter,” seeing Melody’s shocked expression, she smiled, “yes, I already know you’ll have a beautiful baby girl. Timothy told me. He is incredibly happy. That’s a good man you have Melody.”

“I know. He’s the best.”

“I know you know things with your father aren’t going well. I’m sure Allegra mentioned that to you.”

“No. She didn’t tell me anything.” Could it be because of her that her parents were separating?

Charles hasn’t said anything to her about his matrimonial issues. Perhaps thinking he had a complex enough relationship with Lydia as it was.

“I don’t know how to narrow the gap I create by hurting you. Your dad... He just doesn’t forgive me yet.”

“You hurt us all mom. You broke the family. It’s only fair that it takes time to forgive your actions. I know I’ve always been impulsive, and that’s bothered you all my life, but this time, I won’t be.”

“That means...”

“We take it one step at a time,” she admitted. “Let’s take it slow and see how we can work everything out and get back to the way we were before.”

“It will never be like it was before.”

And Lydia was absolutely right about that.

“Maybe not like before, but acceptable. May we know we can count on each other, like the family we were before I got pregnant.”

Her mother cried again, Melody wanted to hug her, but held back.

Everything would go in its own time. She knew she would end up forgiving her. She just had realized it. For the loneliness and sadness of not having her mother in her life, taking care of her, and advising her, made her sadder than she would have thought.

She missed her mother and did not want to lose her again.

She realized that parents were not eternal, people were not immortal.

In the blink of an eye, an illness, a traffic accident, or whatever, could take away the person you loved so much.

And she loved her mother, even after so much pain caused by her abuse and wrong decisions.

“Come,” she called to her, as she tapped on the bed, “come and sit with me for a while. If you want, you can talk to your granddaughter.”

“I’d love that,” Lydia said approaching at a brisk, happy stride.

It didn’t matter how long it took her to get used to having her back in her life, or how long it took to forgive her.

She was her mother, and she didn’t want to be away from her any longer.