Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Chapter 12

In the morning, Alpha Grant is gone, so I leave my bedroom and head to the kitchen for breakfast. Gail

and Theresa are there, and I sit with them at the small table. Gail had already whipped something up,

and she sets the plate in front of me only two seconds after I take a seat. "What is Alpha Grant's first

name?" I ask and they both give me odd looks.

"You don't know?" Theresa asks.

"He hasn't told me."

"It's James, after his father," Gail says.

I nod. How perfect. "How long have you two been at the pack house?"

"I've been for five years, and Theresa has been here forever."

Theresa smiles. "I've been since James was a young one."

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I can't help but ask, "What was James like as a child?" It feels odd to

call Alpha Grant, James. It feels as if I am playing Julianna and him, his father.

"He was quiet. Never had a sibling. Sadly his mother passed away before she had another, yet I don't

know if it was in the books for the two. He observed a lot. He would observe people very closely, yet

hardly ever spoke a word. Odd child, but he grew up eventually. They all do," Theresa shares. "He's

become a good Alpha, that's for sure. He's taken after his father. Both strong leaders."

I nod again.

She has stopped coming by at night ever since I had told her to leave that one time. I wonder if she'd

gone to James about it, but if she had I'd never know anyway. I'm glad she's gone. It helps me sleep.

My trips to the liquor cabinet and into the woods seem to be over, due to that.

I've spoken to my mother and she continues to press me about visiting, but I continue to tell her that I

am simply too busy learning about Luna duties. She tells me about the pack and how things are going

well. She says that she can bring more of my things from the house when she visits, and I sigh. I wish

she could visit. I've missed her.

After James kissed me and after I sat in the shower, I laid in bed until my body gave up and dozed off.

It took too long, and when I managed to fall asleep it didn't last. I was woken by noises coming from

down the hall—nothing sexual—so I peeked out my door, spying through the crack. I saw James

leaving his bedroom and going downstairs to do who knows what. I heard the front door open, then I

knew he went outside somewhere. It was two in the morning, so I thought there had been a pack issue.

I have so many things to ask him, yet I know he won't answer one. I don't know what to think after he

kissed me. I don't know what's going on in his head. He is like a closed book with no words—I couldn't

read him if I tried, though I do wonder if he watches me, if he observes me. I wonder what he has

learned from that. Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

* * *

I have to leave. I know I have to leave. It will hurt. I will want to come back just to see his face again,

but I can't. I can never come back here. I have to fight myself—like quitting a drug. No matter how

much I want it, I can never return. I can never have him.

When James comes home late at night, I sneak from my bed and begin to gather my things. I will have

to leave my books and music behind, but that is the least of my worries. Last time I was lucky, no

rogues came on my path, but I am not so sure this time. Getting past the borders is difficult enough,

and I am no fighter. When the guard mentioned that I wouldn't last a night out there... Is it really worth

it? Is this worth dying over? No. I don't want to die in the middle of the woods and rot until someone

stumbles upon my decaying body.

Maybe the rogues aren't violent. Maybe I am overreacting, but with James leaving in the middle of the

night and Will constantly coming with issues, I can't help but think there has been an influx of rogues in

the area. That guard was smart enough to warn me, too. Maybe I should stay.

I drop my things and sit down on my bed, not sure what to do. Where would I even go? Back to that

town? Back to my pack? I'm not sure how to get back there. I'll die in the forest alone, by rogues or by

goddess knows what lurks in there. I can't defend myself like that, I've never had to survive on my own.

There are too many things pushing against me. Leaving alone is no longer an option, but what if I get

help. That guard, Theodore, maybe he can help me. He said himself that he doesn't care for Alpha

Grant either.

I don't know where to find him, and I shouldn't do anything drastic now.

Maybe a guard at the borders can help me. Maybe if I find just one who understands they'll tell me if it's

safe out there or not. Knowing is better than not knowing.

I should ask now before James wakes up and before Theresa and Gail come in the morning. I'm given

the most time at night. The guards do not know that I am their Alphas Mate, so worst comes to worst

they'll tell me to back off and I will. I have to prepare myself. This is smart, I know it is. I'm going to do

something good for myself, and once I'm done I'll come back here and make my decision whether it's

safe to leave at this time or if I should wait a month or two. This is smart. This is good.

The midnight air steals away the heat from my face, sharp against my cheeks as I feel the tip of my

nose growing numb. I should have grabbed a coat, but I don't expect to be out here for long. It's just a

simple question. Has there been an influx of rogues? Could you tell me?

I join the trees and once I get close, I call out to warn them of my presence. "Excuse me? Is anyone

over here?" I walk farther and watch my feet, making sure I don't fall. "Hello? Are there any guards?"

Then I hear the wonderful, familiar calling, "You're too close to the borders. Go back."

I follow the voice blindly. "Actually, I'm looking for a guard to help me. I've been wondering about the

rogues in the area lately and—"

A man suddenly appears. "I'm sorry, but you have to go back. The borders are not safe."

"Not safe? Because of the rogues? Or just because you want me to leave?"

His eyes look off into the distance, into the deep forest as if he is watching for someone. "Go back.

Now. This is an order."

I nod. "Okay. I'm going."

This was rushed, I feel it. I can't just panic for a moment and come running to the borders like I have

everything all figured out. It's the kiss—I can't stop thinking about it, about the way it felt, about how he

grabbed me and made me feel so good in just a flash. He's dangerous. A man who hurts me then

pleases me so easily is dangerous.

A guard calling in the distance makes me glance back over my shoulder, but I cannot decipher what he

said. I completely turn around and contemplate going back, but a sudden, deep growling sound from

behind me causes my entire being to stop.

My eyes stare down at a protruding tree root as I attempt to grasp what could be behind me. Then

there's another throaty, beast-like noise and my body squeezes into itself. I feel the need to scream, but

my throat swells closed. Like a rabbit hunted by a wolf, I slowly turn back around, hardly feeling the

beating of my heart anymore. I see a dark thing. I smell blood, the iron stench that everyone knows. My

eyes focus as the dark thing becomes a large wolf standing only meters in front of me. Immediately, my

mind goes to the frightening void that is death.

The beast lurks forward and with each step it takes, I stumble back. My eyes switch rapidly from the

wolf to the body-like thing behind him to the dimming trees, begging internally that someone appears.

The wolf is too large. It's too strong. Shifted or not, it will kill me. I have never planned on fighting for my

life, and now I wish that I would have at least thought of what I would do in such a scenario from time to

time. "Please," I whisper, "don't." Adrenaline pulsates through me and I think about running.

Before I can make a decision, a brown thing pounces at the dark thing, and I hurry back as they blend

together, tumbling and snapping. I begin to run towards the house until my eye catches another dark

coated thing lingering in the brush. Running in a different direction, feeling surrounded, I stumble upon

a dead thing and feel my stomach bubbling up. Without time to process that there is a dead wolf lying

at my feet, another nearby growling jumps at me.

I shut my mouth and peer up at the Moon, then I lift half of the lifeless wolf and crawl underneath it,

pushing myself until most of my body is covered. Believing that the overpowering smell of rogue and

blood will cover my scent, I stay put, feeling the blood of the creature soaking into my clothes, into my

skin, and washing through my hair. I didn't notice how much blood had poured from him until it drips

down over my sealed lips. Between a dead beast and dirt, I can't help but sob softly to myself.

I hear things all around me, and I do not know if they are guards, rogues, or something else. After a few

minutes, I watch as a light colored wolf moves past me, it's paws only feet from my hidden face.

This is how it is for me, right? No matter what I do, the result is never in my favor. Nothing can go right.

The Moon Goddess hates me, I know that now, I really know it.

The weight of the wolf makes it hard to breathe, but I stay lodged underneath it until the noises lessen

to hardly anything. My eyes open and close and open and close, and I cannot tell if I am falling asleep

or dying. The night air taunts me with its freshness as the stench of flesh fogs my mind. I am not cold,

though. The body on top of me and its warmed blood wraps around me like a shallow bath. I begin to

dream of my shower.

After what seems like hours, the blood has cooled, and I grow restless. Thankfully, non-threatening

sounds grow close and three guards appear in the trees, heading towards the body, likely coming to

collect and rid of it. I feel a need to laugh and cry at the same time. "I'm here," I shout, "I'm under it!"

They speed up, looking confused until they notice my feet and hand sticking out, my hand waving to

grab their attention. "Are you injured?" One asks, the tallest of the three.

"No, just, just get me out! Get it off, please!"

Two men roll the beast off of me as the other helps me up. My legs are numb along with my behind,

and they shake and wobble like a child learning to walk. I use the guard to stable myself. "Why were

you underneath a rogue? Did it fall on you?"

I glare up at the tall one who seems to be in charge. "What the hell happened? Why were there rogues

over the border! I hid underneath it so I wouldn't die! Goddess, how long have I been under there?"

"There was an incident at one of the posts. A large group of rogues came out of nowhere, some got in,"

he explains, finally, someone giving me a taste of information. "It took a few hours to secure the area

and the post. I'm assuming you were trapped for longer than needed. We've been disposing of bodies

for a while. We burn them, it takes time."

Still gripping onto one of the other two, I look up at him, no longer wanting information. My clothes reek

of guts, my skin is slathered in a rogues blood, and if I do not get into a shower in two minutes I may

just lose it. "Alright. I'm fine from here," I tell them, letting go of the guard's arm and straying towards

the pack house.

"You were under a dead rogue for hours," the leader calls to me, though I haven't made it far, "we

should see you home, call a doctor."

I look back, exhausted. "I'm Alpha Grant's Mate. I'm sure the house workers will help me."

Before I turn back around, walking slowly to the house, I catch a glimpse of the leaders face. From

what I saw, the man looked ill.